Losing bet

I seem to keep betting on the wrong horse

It breaks down in the middle of the course

All my hopes and dreams seem to fade away

Life keeps getting harder day after day

I just can not find my winning ticket

And I am really getting sick of it

I keep hoping that my day will soon come

That I will one day have a winning run

In life there is no sure bet

We make choices we regret

Sometimes the things that are lost

Come at a very high cost

We can never earn them back

With a return to the track

We have to cut our losses

And learn to bear our crosses

Love and life do not come with instructions

Sometimes we get caught up in assumptions

We will we see things that are really not there

And it brings more sorrow for us to bear

We risk all we have on a losing bet

And our expectations are never met

We have nobody but ourselves to blame

Whenever we end up losing the game

Never Again

Always and forever,
Friends we were supposed to be.
More than anything in the world, Was what she meant to me.

I listened to her problems,
I watched her heart bleed.
I helped her always,In her times of need.

We carried on normally,
But I couldn’t call her mate.

I wanted us to be normal again,
Like it was before, when we were happy,
Instead of this bitter war.

I have always been there,
Through all of those years.
And now she shoves it back in my face,
Killing me with her words like spears.

If she is my friend,
She would gain back my trust

I long to trust her once more,
I long to tell her my pain.
I long to be loved by her,
But it will never happen again

One day

A day will come..the mask is unveiled..the heart won't hurt anymore..

It won't shatter..won't break..

When eyes won't wait anymore..

When the heart won't sink..

The tears won't fall..

Emotions will wither..

That day nothin will matter...

That day you won't care any more..

.

You won't trust again..

The hurt leaves a blemish..an irrevocable scar..unseen on the exterior thorny inside..

And then the tears will dry..

U won't feel anything..

You will learn to be indifferent..

You will learn to break free.

You will learn to live ...again..

All i want

I keep a lookout in the sky.
Hoping to see a shooting star,
Passing through.
A wish on a star flying by,
And all I would ask for…
Is you.
To hold you one more time,
To feel your lips on mine.
To have you look at me,
To see what I wanna see.
To feel my heart race,
On the sight of your beautiful face.
To have you call my name,
A chance to do it again.
To hear your memories,
And re-live them with you.
To have you tell me your dreams,
So I can make them come true.
To hold your hand in mine…
To feel the warmth, when they entwine.
With my finger, to trace our initials in your palm.
To look up,
and see you give me that smile…
To run my fingers through your hair,
wonder about all the moments we’ll share.
When I let you guide.
To all the memories we’ll make,
With you by my side.
As I wait, for a shooting star.
To hear me whisper a wish from afar.
I close my eyes, and wait for it to come true…
Just a word for a wish, to sum up all I want.
And all I want is…
You.

The Wicked Smile Stays

So, fate sits in front of me..

A wicked smile on his face.

I look awkwardly,..

My mind drifting in space.

He orders pain on the rocks.

As I look for what I forgot.

He watches me patiently,

As I try to find my destiny.

On the table, I spill the contents of my backpack.

There’s pride, lust and envy.

But I still cant find my destiny.

I stare at him.

A helpless look on my face,

The wicked smile stays.

I tell him I cant find it and plead for his help..

He puts down his drink and knows what to expect.

He leans forward.. Sure of himself.

I come forward to hear what he says,

The wicked smile stays.

I know I’m where I shouldn’t be,

Yet he whispers to me..

“You’ve lost your destiny.”

I close my eyes and begin to cry.

He doesn’t console me,

And he doesn’t want to try.

I break down on the ground.

He smiles.. and orders another round.

For he knows, I’m his to control now.

A mere puppet, waiting for a showdown.

I crawl on my knees,

Hysterical with need.

He knows he’s won,

And yawns, to signify his boredom.

As I get up, taken over by grief,

He points towards his watch, and tells me its time to leave.

As I follow him out regretfully,

He turns back to look at me.

And I see it..

That on his face,

The wicked smile stays.

Complete Acceptance

Things may not be perfect

We may disagree

We may fall out

We may act in ways hurting each other

We may say words upsetting each other

But all that does not matter

All what matter is,

how incomplete we will feel,

without the other one in our lives

The path will never be smooth

We will have to walk

through dark and

through light

But in the end,

to be complete as one,

all what is needed is

An acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be

What we have together is too beautiful ,

to give up on

People search the world,

everywhere looking for what we have

Feeling naturally right for each other

A deeper connection

A genuine care for each other

A complete trust

Same view of moral values seen through the eyes of you and me

Long conversations

From life’s philosophy, moral values

Till the darkest secrets

Humour bonding us like two children laughing together

The lost childhood of ours

You in me

Me in you

As one

No longer mine

I feel empty inside

And a pain as if someone

Was squeezing my heart

Days seem long

Mornings seem meaningless

I hate myself

For having taken the decision

For having putting myself through all this heartache

However then I remind myself

The reason for this

And I know it was the right thing to do

if not for me, then surely for you

I put your life before my love

Today I looked out at the dark night

And related that is exactly how I feel

Dark and empty

A strong desire met me

A desire of wanting to take my life

I feel I have just lost

The only one person

I had waited for all my life

I still have many worthy people in my life

However you were the one who made my day

Now what are the days without you in it

Now what are the nights without you in it

One loss following another

One failure following another

A lone walk

Then I look at my boy

And think that I just have to keep on existing

As I have so often done before

I just have to cos of my god child

You’ll never know how much you meant to me

You will always have a special place in my heart

And it hurts so much to realise that you are no longer mine

The unbearable realisation that tomorrow you will be someone else’s

All dreams crushed

Once again!

Open sky

Whenever I see the sky,
my imaginations begins to fly...
I find patterns in the cloud,
its an elephant, no its a tiger,!! umm!! no no..sometimes I am myself in a doubt..

My imaginations are very wild,
very difficult to be understood by a normal mind,
crazy of some kind,
impossible for my brain to bind..

They hop like frogs inside my brain,
struggling hard to initiate a fantasy drain,
they are the key to the locks,
that opens nothing but untolerable crazy works....

P.S i love you

I am not that available these days,
I have a lots of followings infront of my own ways…
I don’t get time to be in touch with all,
My work today, Is the mere unbreakable wall…

I may not be there to listen to you,
Whenever you want to share…
I may not be there to hold your hands,
Whenever you want me to be there…

I am alone here..yet in the confused crowd…
My soul is quite..yet on the outside, I am loud,
Its not that i no more want to share with you…
Its not that I no more want to care about you…

The hindrances around me are the barrier
To hear about you, I don’t have an apt carrier
My eyes still, just die to look at your pretty face
My ears sill, just die to hear your voice of praise

All I am able to do is…
Every night, leaving all the things behind,
I sit in the corner,and let things in me rewind,
I repeat the episode of our gr8 times,
Sometimes, I pen them down in my rhymes…

And, all I want to say is…
Despite of all the hassles,
I occupy a time dedicatedly
Just to miss you…every night

P.S. I Love You

i almost had

As the cold wind of summer touches my face

Thoughts of you lingers on my head

When the times I kept myself inside a cage

I held myself back, and it's you I almost had

I almost have you every time I'm feeling down

You're almost here when I need you around

I hear your voice every time I hear a sound

Now an almost broken ME is what I found

From the day you tap my shoulders

Every star glows brighter

And in those glows I want to stay forever

Even if that means that I'll always be a dreamer

It happened so fast

I hope these good things last

You easily accepts me as your friend

I wish you'll stay that way ‘til the end

Again, I'm not asking for more

All I want is to keep you ‘til forevermore

‘Coz you're the only one that I adore

With you my soul seems to soar

You're like a star on a midnight sky

And like a wind that I cannot tie

Like a water that I cannot hold

In short, you're like a dream that I cannot mold

I know I have you

But like the earth, I cannot own you

Coz God made you similar to what I have to

So in my dreams is where I could only keep you

Though I can't always have what I wanted

With what you are giving, I am contented

Just constantly remember

That I'll always be by your side forever

From the moment that I loved you

I know chances are fewer than few

Consequences I must know

And my feelings must not show

But this secret is just so hard to hide

My heart is shouting from the inside

Once and for all, somehow I gotta to let you know

That my insane heart just can't let you go

Accept me or reject me

At least, at the very least I've made you see

Somebody's here who's better than he could be

Yet not given a chance to breathe free

Years from now whenever I will pause

While walking along the coast

I'll laugh and remember when I got hurt the most

By somebody that I had…almost!!!

A Part of me

A part of me wants money wants fame

A part of me wants to die in shame

A part of me wants to be beautiful

A part of me knows that I am so sinful

A part of me wants love

A part of me doubts if that is what I deserve

A part of me wants to beleive in my friends

A part of me says,"Friends never last till the end"

A part of me wants to be the same

A part of me says,"But people change"

A part of me wants to cut the wrist open and bleed to death

A part of me is afraid of what nature shall beget

A part of me wants to fly and feel every rain drop on my skin, A part of me lays rusting under a shed.

Because a part of me wants to live, But the other one is already dead ...

Black and White

Remember to balance black and white

Whether this is

your situations,

your attitude,

your relatioships

Compliments and criticism

Encouragement and challenges

Remember a true friend ,

is not one,

who only supports and encourages you

through empathy and care.

But one ,

who is also honest and open with you

by challenging you and telling you,

at times where you do wrong

Sometimes you are not aware of what you are doing to yourself

Sometimes you will only become aware,

when you are made aware of it.

Through the help of others followed by your own reflection

A true friend will not just keep his eyes closed

And let you carry on causing harm to yourself

And let you carry on causing more pain into your life

Indirectly or directly

Remember that we all have agreements and disagreements

So if you disagree with what I agree on,

It is ok

But please take few minutes to stop and think,

whether there was some truth in what I said

Please stop seeing everything in black and white

Please stop keeping your eyes closed in denial

Please stop reacting to words as an offense

And try instead to use those

as a positive way for your growth

My relation with the sun.

As the sun sets,
I think about how life is,
We all see the darkness,
But thats something in our lives we don't enjoy it.
At night we enjoy the moonlight,
Creeping through the windowIn the dark,
we love to play with our shadow.
Why cant the darkness in our life,
Be made to look at so beautiful,
Why does it bring us down,
Why does it makes everything look so dull?
Our life is like a normal day,
With sunrise it starts and moon set it ends..
Why cant we enjoy our happiness and sorrows,
Like how we enjoy the beautiful
Sunrise and sunset.....
Its all a part of plan,
Where God wants us to be ,
Like the sun so strong,
Even if its high up in the sky,
Or soaking itself in the sea,
Its doesn't loose its power to shine..
Just like the way God made it,
its got the power to be.
Its strange how we missed out
On understanding our relation with the bright sun,
We were so busy complaining
We thought going through life,
we were the only one.
Only if we could understand,
The rules are meant for everyone....
Every single day for us,
A new life would have begun............

there's air of silence

There s an air of silence between us
its d silence that speak a thousand
words between our soul
its a moment to cherish forever...
to understand words untold...
its stranger than strange.
...... and hard to believe
feelings like this...
ever exist...
its something WE still hold
deep inside
our hearts that turned cold...
its something that melts it down
its something that doesnt have a sound
from where it comes to where it goes...
its a mystery that no one still knows...
it makes us do crazy things...
things we dont know ourselves..
its something that makes us smile
smile wen we are even by ourselves...
it makes d sun look brighter
and makes d soul feel lighter
its something that makes me write all this
its something that makes you read all this...
its something that makes u smile right now....
and something that makes you wonder how..
its something we still dont know...
but whatever that something is.... is still meant to grow......

With and without you

Turning back the pages of my life,

Rewinding the past,

To the best moments ever,

Which’ll always last…

Looking back, to check,

The decisions I took

In innocense, or presence of mind,

And to see where I stood

To know whether,

Your footsteps in my life,

Were right or wrong,

Knowing, that future wasn’t bright…

I try to put up a story,

Of, If you werent there,

Or If you were, both,

I try to compare,

Without you,

I couldve been the same school boy,

Without you,

I couldve been the same lonely toy

Without you,

My life would mean nothing,

Without you,

I couldn’t have spelled loving

Without you,

I’d have never got the first kiss,

Without you,

I’d have never experienced that bliss

Without you,

I would’ve never got to care so much,

Without you,

I would’ve never felt that first touch.

Without you,

I would’ve never felt my soul

Without you,

I would’ve never played such a role

Without you,

My life would've been spiceless

Without you,

I would've never experienced something price less

Without you,

I wouldn’t have been me,

Without you,

I would've been incomplete

INNOCENCE

I found a box today.

An old box, crammed in the dusty attic,

Covered in spider-webs and muck.

I tried to open it

But it was so rusty

I had to pry the lid up

And it creaked and squealed.

Dust rose in a cloud to meet my eyes.

I squinted, gazing into the box

And nearly fell back.

It was something I had lost

Long ago

Something I never thought

I would find again.

A shard of my past

A piece of the shattered memories

A broken fragment of my life.

It was as pure as new snow

And as lovely as an angel's wing.

It seemed so alien to me

Because I had forgotten it.

Though it was marred

Scarred by deformity

Wasted by misuse

Torn by exposure

Aged by time's decay

Rent by cruel words

Discarded like a used napkin

I saw it with new sight

And plucked it out

My hands trembling.

It felt so light in my palm.

I had never expected to see it again.

I had thought it was lost forever!

What was it, you ask?...

INNOCENCE

Simple

Simple "Hello" is how it starts
Before you know they broke your heart
Never to care to hear on how they made you cry
From spitting lie after lie

Simple date to start the spark
Before you know it your left in the dark
Never care to hear how you miss them so
No need to bother, they don't care to know

Simple kiss to start the motion
Before you know it your left alone frozen
Never to care on how the two of you shared
Leaving you last cuz you remain undesired

Simple proposal to start the course
Before you know it you end up being ditched
Fighting and calling each other a bitch
This is why I choose to never get hitched

My last tear

Think of the time over the years, when was the last time you shed some tears?

Was it a birth of a child or someone who died, when was the last time you openly cried?

Was it floods of many or a single tear, this is my story of what happened to me

In the middle of the night I opened my eyes, then uncontrollably I started to cry

I raised my head of the pillow so wet, painful memories I tried to forget

I was in my house lying all alone, this house I was in is no longer my home

The laughter is gone only tears remain, where once love was is replaced by pain

In the darkness I go down stairs, lying in silence is hard to bare

I put the kettle on for a cup of Milk, I don’t bother with meals as it’s only me

I sit on the sofa cup in hand, how much more can I take before I can no longer stand?

In the silence in the dark, all is so different the dog doesn’t even bark

I think of the past I think what future may bring, I look at the phone hoping it would ring

I look round the room, a belt I see, maybe the world would be better a world without me

Round my neck I pull the belt tight, no willing to life, no willing to fight

In my head, the blood pressure builds, hopefully no long still I will be lying still

I feel the tears rolling down my face, I need to escape my head’s darkest place

loosing the belt I gasp for air, this is all because of one person who obviously didn’t care

For friends and family who love me so, my grip on life I will not let go

The road is long and it will be hard, but if I apply myself I can go far

I think of my children that I would leave behind, but they are always with me in my hearts and mind

From crying in the corner with tears in my eyes, from being so low where I wanted to die

I take a look now to what I’ve been through, I look in the mirror, and see a life of new

The reflection of a broken man I still often see, but I have accepted that he is part of me

Till the last heartbeat

They say,
Many people walk in and out of our life
But only few leave footprints in our heart forever
The moment,
You came into my life,
I started to understand the full meaning of those words

As a fast-forward scene,
I saw people walk past me,
while my world stood still,
the moment I knew
you were not in it
anymore

No one knows,
what the future holds,
but one thing is for certain
Your memories will be engraved in my heart forever
and they will be cherished
till the last heartbeat of mine

DO you ever

Do you ever,

get a sudden feeling,

without a clear purpose,

without any particular reason,

without any warning,

being washed in with a stabbing pain?

Do you ever,

have an urge to cry but

swallow hard to control the tears

and wondered why

and where it did come from?

Do you ever

feel like you search in total darkness,

to only find yourself in complete emptiness?

Do you ever,

wonder how and why

that although you do feel happy, contented and peace

most of the time,

then still this sudden pain meets you

Taking you to places

And making you feel that there is no meaning to your existence?

Do you ever?