I Am What I Am

I Am What I Am-
People want to know
Who am I?
My answer is always
I Am What I Am

They ask me
What does that mean
My answer is always
It means what it means
I Am What I Am

A wanderer roaming the streets
A poet rhyming schemes
A child in a man's body
I can assure you
I am not shady
I Am What I Am

Struggling through life
But, I am making it
I don't follow the norm
I am breaking it
I Am What I Am

Riding the waves of life
Rain comes pouring down
Still I stay strong
I am not that easily drawn
I Am What I Am

Going through life
Like flashes in a dream
Facing negativity and strife
Its not as easy as I make it seem
I Am What I Am

My troubles get to me sometimes
But, I let it mellow
Pride gets in the way sometimes
I take in more than I can swallow
I Am What I Am

I hesitate to ask for help sometimes
Pride barricades me
I came in this world alone
Why should anybody help me?
I Am What I Am

A shooter when I am shot at
A fighter when I am fought
A lover when I am given love
A great train of thought
I Am What I Am

A jumble of thoughts I am
The philosopher without philosophy
A king who can't be bought I am
I am the Theology
I Am What I Am

Does that sound too arrogant, I ask
I hope not
More humble than I ought to be
Giving till I rot
I Am What I Am

They ask me
What is it that you are looking for
Peace and Happiness, I say
How will you find it, they ask
My answer is always
Till I am done for
I Am What I Am

happily ever after?

Not every fairy tale has a happy ending. Not every decision has a sound logical reason behind it. And yet sometimes one doesn’t need a reason to make a decision. Not always are these decisions made for good. Not always do these decisions make you smile. You know you had the other option, the option where you would have not cried but frankly how long can a person lie to oneself. Sometimes you just care too much about the other person to hurt them anymore, even if that means hurting them once and hurting yourself forever.

Your thoughts at that moment are like this meandering stream; no matter where the stream is flowing its final destination is the ocean where it gets lost. No matter how hard the stream tries not to meet the ocean but in the end even it knows that its identity would finish once it reaches the ocean. The vastness of that thought, the emptiness of that thought is just too big for the stream. In a split second everything is over, whatever moments there were are now just memories. The drop of the stream cant be distinguished from the salty water of the vast ocean. The salty water does not taste good; you can’t live in it, and yet you know you cant live without it. Irony…Reality!!!!

The salty water of the ocean, the vastness and yet the emptiness; the salty tears flowing from your eyes, the emptiness inside. Sweet memories to live with, harsh realities to live in. Day on day life moves on as before, but I know life would never be the same again. The eyes see something else, the mind says something else and yet deep inside the heart feels something else all together…ya…not every fairy tale has a happy ending!!!

Success

Success is a bullet ,
out of the barrel of a gun,
and to catch that bullet,
we have to run.
But I decided to walk,
instead of running,
and was criticized,
by people who are cunning.
I walked I walked,
in the moonless night,
I burnt my soul,
just to get some light.
I tried my best,
to carry the load,
but couldn't find,
the end of the road.
Then I realized,
while walking with passion,
that success is a journey,
not a destination.
I turned back and saw,
my footprints on sand,
for me that was
a moment really grand.
But the footprints may be washed off,
as they were on the shore,
and on thinking i decided,
to walk even more.
And now I walk,
with a smiling face,
and I will keep on walking,
to win my race.

Love, as you feel like

Love is love as long as you consider it to be love. That is all that is required. Perception is reality.

You can be happy even if your life is a wreck, and everything is falling apart, as long as you feel like you're happy.

You can be in love even if you have nothing in common with someone and have no real mutual understanding, as long as you feel like you're in love.

I feel I am in love but I am not sure why I feel this way. I feel the bliss of Love often now. I feel so happy with myself. When I watch lovers in any movie or in real life I feel so happy for them. And I feel great that at least I can feel the warmth of love around me. No matter if I don't have any so called girlfriend. I have got many friends with whom I can share my life or my family who is always there beside me. I feel lucky enough.

I love this world now. I love my life and people around me.

I am in love. Love with myself.

In your thought

theres a lump sumwher...

i know its in my throat....

its somewhere in the middle....

i know its in my throat....

neither can i pull it up...

nor can i push it down...

if it leaves a trail of tears..i'll surely look like a clown...

i've gotta do something...

maybe turn it to a frown....

but if it leaves a trail of tears..

damn...! i'll look like a clown!!!

a deep pang of regret brushes your heart...

u wish to stop dat rush of tears but NO! it starts....

and everything flows down with those tears...

memories...events...anxities n fears...

the lump eases as they seep down your cheeks...

and people around u call u an "EMOTIONAL freakkk"

you ask yourself "is crying a sign of the weak?"

but people around u still say you're an "emotional freak!"

and after a while the sobbing ceases and all by yourself u sit...

u ponder..u think...u question d reason...WAS IT REALLY WORTH IT????

My expectation

i cannot put my thoughts to words,

i cannot make them rhyme.

its not that im not thinking

or that i do not have the time.

i actually have a lot of that now,

too much i have to say

i wish i could enjoy it

but i cant with ur hatred in the way.

did it ever occur to you,

that i dont feel good today?

did it ever occur to you,

that it might help if you go away?

why do you talk to me,

like im a waste of space?

trust me on this one,

i would really rather get out of this place.

my eyes are black from sleep deprivation,

my arms are still with pain.

there is nothing i can lose now,

and nothing i can gain.

above all that i am dealing with,

i always think of you.

no matter what i do today,

i feel i will always loose.

so all that's left to do,

is cut off the open vain.

find a relaxing treatment,

for this irrevocable pain.

gasping for breath,

is a daily routine.

seeing as im drowning,

in your white water stream.

your stream of blames of expectations,

of put-downs, insults and screams.

i cannot get away from it all,

not even in my dreams.

Pain

it feels odd talking about "pain" at my age...[where all around u harp bout heart pain;) ] but neverthless...i feel pain is a strong emotion...verrry strong...it has cascading effects...leading to sorrow,ill feelings...feelings of revenge...feelings of being abandoned..feeling of being unwanted and the very famous[ why me?????]pain is mental n physical....and trust me mental anguish is loads more painful than physical anguish n suffering...
mother teresa once said," the biggest disease today is not tb or cancer...it is rather the feeling of being unwanted"!!!
so apt! when i fell ill...half the days were spent cribbing..."why me?" "did i deserve...??"but then...pain is not all that bad after all...pain taught me things which i'l never learn frm books....it has made me stronger..more tolerant..much more sympathetic n above all "empathetic"...
in our journey of discovering pain..we have just 2 options...crib along n keep weeping or challenging it...yes..challenging pain.."hey luk..u made a mistake u chose me to give trouble...!'sounds wierd rite? it helped me a lot...made me gear up, more determinedly towards achieving my goals[ at this time the ultimate goal is battle my way to good health:)]n now.....nothin seems impossible...no task seems tough...no longer does an injection look a weapon...the "pain" it changes u...ur outlook..reading lance armstrong's autobiography "its not just about the bike.."[ a must read] changed my attitude towards pain n disease...physical pain teaches loads of stuff...endurance..tolerance..how we take our bodies for granted..how each n every simple task becomes difficult once yr ill...today i thank god....for giving me that "pain"....which made me tougher...got me closer to my family n friends...got me closer to my faith in the almighty and made me aware n feel the pain of millions in the world!
````over n out```