My expectation

i cannot put my thoughts to words,

i cannot make them rhyme.

its not that im not thinking

or that i do not have the time.

i actually have a lot of that now,

too much i have to say

i wish i could enjoy it

but i cant with ur hatred in the way.

did it ever occur to you,

that i dont feel good today?

did it ever occur to you,

that it might help if you go away?

why do you talk to me,

like im a waste of space?

trust me on this one,

i would really rather get out of this place.

my eyes are black from sleep deprivation,

my arms are still with pain.

there is nothing i can lose now,

and nothing i can gain.

above all that i am dealing with,

i always think of you.

no matter what i do today,

i feel i will always loose.

so all that's left to do,

is cut off the open vain.

find a relaxing treatment,

for this irrevocable pain.

gasping for breath,

is a daily routine.

seeing as im drowning,

in your white water stream.

your stream of blames of expectations,

of put-downs, insults and screams.

i cannot get away from it all,

not even in my dreams.